Bad Jokes

[Harry]

Paul Merton:
"My hair has got a life of it'sown. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette."

Kevin Bridges:
"Glasgow was announced the Murder capital of the EU in the same week it was voted UKs friendliest city. You might get beaten up, but you'll get directions to the hospital."

Peter Kay: "What do Mexicans put underneath their carpets? Underlay. Underlay!"

Tim Vine: "Conjunctivitis. com - that's a site for sore eyes."
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I got one art O'level it did nothing for me

[HarryJ185]

Milton Jones:

My auntie Jean’s got a sister called Jean.
Her daughter Jean just had a baby – called her…. Jean.
They all went to a nightclub to celebrate. They got to the door and the bouncer said “Sorry, you can't come in. No jeans allowed."

[Harry]

Another Milton Jones gag...

"Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grand dad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family."
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I got one art O'level it did nothing for me

[Imani]

I rejected religion quite early. At primary school, the teacher had us all read a bit from the Book of Genesis. When it came to me, I refused. I said, 'This stuff about Adam and Eve is all well and good, but where's Phil Collins?'

[area 7]

It's a sad day today being the anniversary of my great, great granddads death who was killed at Little Bighorn.




He wasn't actually in the battle, he was camping in a nearby field and when he went over to complain about the noise somebody shot him.
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Zactly

[area 7]

A mate of mine has just re recorded a south west version of the famous Simon &Garfunkal track, "Trouble Over Bridgewater" is set for release at the end of the month.
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Zactly

[Hugh]

My great-grandfather didn't follow his brothers to Oxford and Eaton but went to New Zealand and Australia, before arriving in Texas just after the War.
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There's still nothing wrong with it!

[Harry]

This is one of the worse gags I've heard in years but I admit I did laugh...

Question: How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Answer: Eclipse it
_________________
I got one art O'level it did nothing for me

[Harry]

Q: Was Micheal Jackson's fave band The Specials?
A: No, he preferred Boyz 2 Men


Q: Why did the baker have brown hands?
A: Because he kneaded a poo.

Q: Where did Sadam Hussein keep his fave 2-Tone records?
A: In a rack

Q: What do you call a dog with no tongue?
A: Sweaty Bollocks

Q: Why did Leonard Nimroy's wife leave the Star Trek convention in a huff?
A: Because William shat on her
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I got one art O'level it did nothing for me