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Harry
Too Hot


Joined: 03 Jan 2009
Posts: 1903
Location: London

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Paul Merton:
"My hair has got a life of it'sown. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette."

Kevin Bridges:
"Glasgow was announced the Murder capital of the EU in the same week it was voted UKs friendliest city. You might get beaten up, but you'll get directions to the hospital."

Peter Kay: "What do Mexicans put underneath their carpets? Underlay. Underlay!"

Tim Vine: "Conjunctivitis. com - that's a site for sore eyes."
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PostPosted:
Mon Feb 16, 2015 9:48 pm
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HarryJ185
Gangster
Gangster


Joined: 10 Dec 2008
Posts: 411
Location: Belfast

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Milton Jones:

My auntie Jean’s got a sister called Jean.
Her daughter Jean just had a baby – called her…. Jean.
They all went to a nightclub to celebrate. They got to the door and the bouncer said “Sorry, you can't come in. No jeans allowed."
PostPosted:
Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:02 am
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Harry
Too Hot


Joined: 03 Jan 2009
Posts: 1903
Location: London

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Another Milton Jones gag...

"Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grand dad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family."
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I got one art O'level it did nothing for me
PostPosted:
Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:24 am
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Imani
Too Hot


Joined: 26 Apr 2008
Posts: 1968
Location: Bradford

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I rejected religion quite early. At primary school, the teacher had us all read a bit from the Book of Genesis. When it came to me, I refused. I said, 'This stuff about Adam and Eve is all well and good, but where's Phil Collins?'
PostPosted:
Fri Feb 20, 2015 5:54 pm
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area 7
Gangster
Gangster


Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Posts: 482
Location: cornwall

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It's a sad day today being the anniversary of my great, great granddads death who was killed at Little Bighorn.




He wasn't actually in the battle, he was camping in a nearby field and when he went over to complain about the noise somebody shot him.
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Zactly
PostPosted:
Fri Feb 20, 2015 7:08 pm
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area 7
Gangster
Gangster


Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Posts: 482
Location: cornwall

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A mate of mine has just re recorded a south west version of the famous Simon &Garfunkal track, "Trouble Over Bridgewater" is set for release at the end of the month.
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Zactly
PostPosted:
Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:30 pm
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Hugh
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Joined: 02 Apr 2004
Posts: 13749
Location: New Westminster, BC Canada

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My great-grandfather didn't follow his brothers to Oxford and Eaton but went to New Zealand and Australia, before arriving in Texas just after the War.
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PostPosted:
Mon Feb 23, 2015 6:38 am
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Harry
Too Hot


Joined: 03 Jan 2009
Posts: 1903
Location: London

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This is one of the worse gags I've heard in years but I admit I did laugh...

Question: How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Answer: Eclipse it
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I got one art O'level it did nothing for me
PostPosted:
Fri Mar 20, 2015 7:08 pm
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Harry
Too Hot


Joined: 03 Jan 2009
Posts: 1903
Location: London

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Q: Was Micheal Jackson's fave band The Specials?
A: No, he preferred Boyz 2 Men


Q: Why did the baker have brown hands?
A: Because he kneaded a poo.

Q: Where did Sadam Hussein keep his fave 2-Tone records?
A: In a rack

Q: What do you call a dog with no tongue?
A: Sweaty Bollocks

Q: Why did Leonard Nimroy's wife leave the Star Trek convention in a huff?
A: Because William shat on her
_________________
I got one art O'level it did nothing for me
PostPosted:
Sun Dec 20, 2020 7:32 pm
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